Some inspirational quotes that made me feel good today!
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The Devil Made Me Do It
This blog made me laugh today. I've been writing my ebook on the Self Help Jungle and this help to keep me lighthearted and not-so-serious!
http://retiredat21.com/self-improvement-advice-from-the-devil/
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
http://retiredat21.com/self-improvement-advice-from-the-devil/
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Boredom Rocks
I'm always excited when I see articles that help me reclaim something that I usually beat myself up about. Here's an article on Boredom.
Personally I like it when I feel bored (even if I do beat myself up about it when it happens). It's usually a temporary feeling that allows me to do a litmus test in my brain. I scan the possible things I could do and whatever my heart jumps for, I know is good. It's fun to observe the things that I'm interested in in that moment. For instance, cleaning the fridge might be very exciting to me when I'm bored rather than when my plate is full. You just never know where you'll end up when you're bored. Find a way to be with it rather than struggling to accomplish something, no matter how long the feeling lasts. Eventually you'll discover the things you want to do. It's like a clean slate or a pausing of Life.
___________________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Personally I like it when I feel bored (even if I do beat myself up about it when it happens). It's usually a temporary feeling that allows me to do a litmus test in my brain. I scan the possible things I could do and whatever my heart jumps for, I know is good. It's fun to observe the things that I'm interested in in that moment. For instance, cleaning the fridge might be very exciting to me when I'm bored rather than when my plate is full. You just never know where you'll end up when you're bored. Find a way to be with it rather than struggling to accomplish something, no matter how long the feeling lasts. Eventually you'll discover the things you want to do. It's like a clean slate or a pausing of Life.
___________________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Friday, September 12, 2008
The Freedom of Disappointment
I was on my yoga mat yesterday (doing yoga...) feeling really connected to myself, having a blank mind and an open heart and this message fell into my heart:
"Write about how being a disappointment to others frees you up to be yourself."
I love inspired moments like that. It's been 15 hours since that idea was planted and my fear-mind has taken over saying "being a disappointment isn't a good thing, don't write about that, people will come out of the woodwork and tell you how wrong you are."
But there is some truth in the idea.
If you're like me, you care a lot about what people think about you, to the point of almost forgoing what you think about yourself. I've worked most of my life to make sure people like me and that my friends love me. I've wasted A LOT of energy trying to keep people in my life.
Anytime I lost a friendship, it was devastating to me, naturally. I took it very much to heart and blamed myself for not being the kind of friend they needed me to be. Again, energy waster, all in the hopes of keeping people happy. If someone hated me, it felt like I didn't deserve to be alive. It was a hole of dispair I could never crawl out of and I did everything to never be in that hole.
In the past 3 years I've lost three friends because I stood up for myself, or created a boundary, or chose myself over them. I got a lot of negativity thrown in my face, naturally. It hurt deeply.
Sometimes you have to disappoint other people in order to get back to yourself. It's crucial. I never wanted to lose friendships, but I had to in order to keep myself.
I am just now learning to experience the freedom of disappointing people. And there is a freedom in it, it means fully embracing who I really am and being that person full-out regardless of whether people agree with it or not. It is so freeing to be myself and to have compassion for all that I am! I almost look forward to those moments when someone is disappointed in me because it means I've kept true to myself rather than to what other people want me to be. There's so much more energy available when I am true to myself. Coming from someone who's been a people pleaser for a long time, it is liberating and scary to come into my own.
While I'm not going to go out of my way to make people dislike me, and it will still sting when someone doesn't agree with my choices, I'm going to continue to honor myself first and live free rather than keep the peace and slowly lose who I am.
It's a risky process, y'all!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
"Write about how being a disappointment to others frees you up to be yourself."
I love inspired moments like that. It's been 15 hours since that idea was planted and my fear-mind has taken over saying "being a disappointment isn't a good thing, don't write about that, people will come out of the woodwork and tell you how wrong you are."
But there is some truth in the idea.
If you're like me, you care a lot about what people think about you, to the point of almost forgoing what you think about yourself. I've worked most of my life to make sure people like me and that my friends love me. I've wasted A LOT of energy trying to keep people in my life.
Anytime I lost a friendship, it was devastating to me, naturally. I took it very much to heart and blamed myself for not being the kind of friend they needed me to be. Again, energy waster, all in the hopes of keeping people happy. If someone hated me, it felt like I didn't deserve to be alive. It was a hole of dispair I could never crawl out of and I did everything to never be in that hole.
In the past 3 years I've lost three friends because I stood up for myself, or created a boundary, or chose myself over them. I got a lot of negativity thrown in my face, naturally. It hurt deeply.
Sometimes you have to disappoint other people in order to get back to yourself. It's crucial. I never wanted to lose friendships, but I had to in order to keep myself.
I am just now learning to experience the freedom of disappointing people. And there is a freedom in it, it means fully embracing who I really am and being that person full-out regardless of whether people agree with it or not. It is so freeing to be myself and to have compassion for all that I am! I almost look forward to those moments when someone is disappointed in me because it means I've kept true to myself rather than to what other people want me to be. There's so much more energy available when I am true to myself. Coming from someone who's been a people pleaser for a long time, it is liberating and scary to come into my own.
While I'm not going to go out of my way to make people dislike me, and it will still sting when someone doesn't agree with my choices, I'm going to continue to honor myself first and live free rather than keep the peace and slowly lose who I am.
It's a risky process, y'all!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Shhh...Listen...
My best friend is a very engaging person. She has a huge heart and expresses herself very well. She is a wonderful speaker and I love to hear what she has to say. But what I love most about my loquacious friend is she is the best listener. I know a lot of people and I trust a few of them with my thoughts, feelings and general craziness, but many people don't offer the kind of listening my best friend gives.
She listens without judgment.
As a personal life coach, I learned to listen without judgment, without putting my own agenda or ego into what another person is saying. It is a very difficult thing to do, to let someone speak, to let them talk about things they are doing that you would never do, and just let them say it. There are of course limits: if someone is truly hurting themselves, then speaking out of concern is necessary. But it's a gift to find someone who will listen without prejudice; someone who will let you live your life without putting their own agenda on you or telling you what you need to do (unless you ask, of course!).
Another aspect of being a good listener is how you respond as someone is speaking. Are you busy waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say something? You're not listening and you are making the conversation about you rather than you and the other person. Are you looking around or doing other things while someone is talking? You're not listening. Yes, there are times when it's okay to focus on other things, but if someone is confiding in you, then eye contact and full attention can distinguish a bad listener from a good one. When you turn your attention to other things while someone is talking, it looks like you don't care (even if you do). If your body is facing a different direction or if you aren't making eye contact with the speaker, you might as well just walk away because your body language is saying "You're not important to me."
The gifts of being a good listener are you get to know someone better, you get to learn about another human being's journey, you get to share in someone else's experience. If you're a good listener, you probably have very deep relationships with people who trust you and who readily share themselves with you.
How do you become a better listener? Do just that: listen. Listen without thinking about what to say next. This is a risk for some people because once the other person stops talking, what if you don't have anything to say? Silence between two people can be scary. If you are going to say something afterwards, let it be in the spirit of sharing, of connecting, rather than forcing words out for no reason. Another way to become a good listener is to learn to honor that what the other person is saying is from their perspective, their life experiences. Let them have their perspective and experiences, no matter what yours are. Everyone is unique, everyone experiences the world differently. Honor their perspective, there are many fascinating ways to look at things! Challenge yourself to be more of a listener in your life and just see what happens.
Another great tip to being a good listener is to ask questions about the other person. This is a GREAT strategy for us shy folks at parties, especially when you might be around a lot of people you don't know. Ask questions; have some standards in the back of your mind to break the ice. Become interested in people in general, your sincerity in asking questions will go a long way. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Some people, like me, are shy in opening up, but will readily answer questions if someone asks.
People who ask questions are far more interesting than those who talk about themselves, I don't care how cool their stories are. At the end of the day, you'll connect with the person who asks you questions rather than the person who talks TO you.
You'll look like a hero in your own circle of friends if you hone your listening skills. You'll gain more trust in people, which can take you to wonderful places!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
She listens without judgment.
As a personal life coach, I learned to listen without judgment, without putting my own agenda or ego into what another person is saying. It is a very difficult thing to do, to let someone speak, to let them talk about things they are doing that you would never do, and just let them say it. There are of course limits: if someone is truly hurting themselves, then speaking out of concern is necessary. But it's a gift to find someone who will listen without prejudice; someone who will let you live your life without putting their own agenda on you or telling you what you need to do (unless you ask, of course!).
Another aspect of being a good listener is how you respond as someone is speaking. Are you busy waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say something? You're not listening and you are making the conversation about you rather than you and the other person. Are you looking around or doing other things while someone is talking? You're not listening. Yes, there are times when it's okay to focus on other things, but if someone is confiding in you, then eye contact and full attention can distinguish a bad listener from a good one. When you turn your attention to other things while someone is talking, it looks like you don't care (even if you do). If your body is facing a different direction or if you aren't making eye contact with the speaker, you might as well just walk away because your body language is saying "You're not important to me."
The gifts of being a good listener are you get to know someone better, you get to learn about another human being's journey, you get to share in someone else's experience. If you're a good listener, you probably have very deep relationships with people who trust you and who readily share themselves with you.
How do you become a better listener? Do just that: listen. Listen without thinking about what to say next. This is a risk for some people because once the other person stops talking, what if you don't have anything to say? Silence between two people can be scary. If you are going to say something afterwards, let it be in the spirit of sharing, of connecting, rather than forcing words out for no reason. Another way to become a good listener is to learn to honor that what the other person is saying is from their perspective, their life experiences. Let them have their perspective and experiences, no matter what yours are. Everyone is unique, everyone experiences the world differently. Honor their perspective, there are many fascinating ways to look at things! Challenge yourself to be more of a listener in your life and just see what happens.
Another great tip to being a good listener is to ask questions about the other person. This is a GREAT strategy for us shy folks at parties, especially when you might be around a lot of people you don't know. Ask questions; have some standards in the back of your mind to break the ice. Become interested in people in general, your sincerity in asking questions will go a long way. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Some people, like me, are shy in opening up, but will readily answer questions if someone asks.
People who ask questions are far more interesting than those who talk about themselves, I don't care how cool their stories are. At the end of the day, you'll connect with the person who asks you questions rather than the person who talks TO you.
You'll look like a hero in your own circle of friends if you hone your listening skills. You'll gain more trust in people, which can take you to wonderful places!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Just Do It
I've worked in theater for almost 15 years. One thing I have learned is that plays are meant to be watched, they are meant to be performed. Sure, they can be read, but you get so much more out of the experience (emotionally, mentally, energetically) by watching words come to life. I mean just think about it, it's called "play" for a reason.
The same goes for reading self-help books. I've read a ton and I've gotten a lot out of them intellectually. I understand myself and humanity a little more and I may even have more compassion for all of us.
I also tend to forget the things I read and therefore my life really doesn't change the way I want it to.
There is something to be said for living the teachings, taking what you've learned and applying it with intention. I have integrated so much more by doing the work than just reading about it. Doing the work over and over brings it into my heart, into my body, where it eventually, unconsciously, becomes a part of me.
What helped me the most to integrate the self help books I've read was being a part of a book group, where I was encouraged to do the work. I joined to hold myself accountable to doing the work...that's another reason I hired a Personal Life Coach: I will do my work when someone asks it of me, it's a challenge to simply do the work on my own. And that's okay. That's why there are so many options (and some of them free!) to bringing theories into your life to change it for the better. So many ways to get your hands in the earth, to feel, to breathe, to live!
Find ways to integrate it, to experience things viscerally, just do it!
Words are just words until you breathe life into them.
______________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
The same goes for reading self-help books. I've read a ton and I've gotten a lot out of them intellectually. I understand myself and humanity a little more and I may even have more compassion for all of us.
I also tend to forget the things I read and therefore my life really doesn't change the way I want it to.
There is something to be said for living the teachings, taking what you've learned and applying it with intention. I have integrated so much more by doing the work than just reading about it. Doing the work over and over brings it into my heart, into my body, where it eventually, unconsciously, becomes a part of me.
What helped me the most to integrate the self help books I've read was being a part of a book group, where I was encouraged to do the work. I joined to hold myself accountable to doing the work...that's another reason I hired a Personal Life Coach: I will do my work when someone asks it of me, it's a challenge to simply do the work on my own. And that's okay. That's why there are so many options (and some of them free!) to bringing theories into your life to change it for the better. So many ways to get your hands in the earth, to feel, to breathe, to live!
Find ways to integrate it, to experience things viscerally, just do it!
Words are just words until you breathe life into them.
______________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
New Year
For the past week or so I've heard this sentence over and over again: Thank God 2007 is over.
I've never been one to think that Jan 1 of any year is going to wipe away what happened during the previous 365 days. I get that energy shifts to newness this time of the year, but I just never thought that because something new begins, the old just disappears. Being in the Fearless Living program has allowed me to embrace the passing of things with a little compassion and grace.
One of the challenges Fearless Living author Rhonda Britten gives at the end of any year...or the end of any phase, relationship or the like, is to do 100 Gratitudes and 100 Acknoweldgements. It is simply a way to wrap up the time/situation in a positive light rather than a negative one.
There is a Fearless Living tool of doing 5 Acknowledgements and Gratitudes A DAY, especially when you are going through a transition, trying to reach a goal, but also just as a daily habit. Those daily daily nuggets are like drops of water...the more you do, the bigger the body of positive water you're swimming in. You eventually begin to retrain your brain to see the positive, you gain more confidence in yourself, you tap into your intuition and you see the changes you have made in your life. Life will always be up and down, but with A&G's the waves get smaller and smaller.
If you are up to the challenge, acknowledge yourself in writing for everything you did that was a risk, or outside your comfort zone this year, even if you think it's not "good enough" or that it wouldn't be a big deal to other people. It's your life, acknowledge it. Then see how many things you can be grateful for this year: the extra challenge is to think about those people/situations/experiences that really made you angry or disappointed. Look around and see if you can find the gift in it. Because there are gifts in everything if you just choose to see things in a new light. That's another benefit in doing daily gratitudes: you'll find yourself in a less-than-ideal situation and you just KNOW that something good is coming out of it. It certainly doesn't mean ignoring your feelings (and believe me, I've been known to hide behind knowing the purpose of something ill in my life rather than acknowledging that I'm hurting), because those need to be processed, it just means that the energy in your life gets higher and it takes the edge off of the pain.
I wish you a new year full of high energy and love!
_______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
I've never been one to think that Jan 1 of any year is going to wipe away what happened during the previous 365 days. I get that energy shifts to newness this time of the year, but I just never thought that because something new begins, the old just disappears. Being in the Fearless Living program has allowed me to embrace the passing of things with a little compassion and grace.
One of the challenges Fearless Living author Rhonda Britten gives at the end of any year...or the end of any phase, relationship or the like, is to do 100 Gratitudes and 100 Acknoweldgements. It is simply a way to wrap up the time/situation in a positive light rather than a negative one.
There is a Fearless Living tool of doing 5 Acknowledgements and Gratitudes A DAY, especially when you are going through a transition, trying to reach a goal, but also just as a daily habit. Those daily daily nuggets are like drops of water...the more you do, the bigger the body of positive water you're swimming in. You eventually begin to retrain your brain to see the positive, you gain more confidence in yourself, you tap into your intuition and you see the changes you have made in your life. Life will always be up and down, but with A&G's the waves get smaller and smaller.
If you are up to the challenge, acknowledge yourself in writing for everything you did that was a risk, or outside your comfort zone this year, even if you think it's not "good enough" or that it wouldn't be a big deal to other people. It's your life, acknowledge it. Then see how many things you can be grateful for this year: the extra challenge is to think about those people/situations/experiences that really made you angry or disappointed. Look around and see if you can find the gift in it. Because there are gifts in everything if you just choose to see things in a new light. That's another benefit in doing daily gratitudes: you'll find yourself in a less-than-ideal situation and you just KNOW that something good is coming out of it. It certainly doesn't mean ignoring your feelings (and believe me, I've been known to hide behind knowing the purpose of something ill in my life rather than acknowledging that I'm hurting), because those need to be processed, it just means that the energy in your life gets higher and it takes the edge off of the pain.
I wish you a new year full of high energy and love!
_______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
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