Sunday, August 17, 2008

Feelings...nothing more than...

Today I was in line at the grocery store, in front of a mother and her (probably) 6 year old son. The boy wanted some candy and the mother said that he had already had some chips and a cookie and that there was plenty of food at home.

I remember my mom saying those words to me as a child. Maybe I protested, maybe I didn't. I remember what it felt like to want something, to be caught up in those feelings so deep that no action, other than getting what I wanted, was good enough. Oh those feelings! How could they be so wrong if they felt so strong?

And there was the mother, bringing in the reality, the logic. She had a higher vision and had the best interest of her son at heart. She knew what the boy did not. She was in her heart. He was in his emotions and probably in his mind, since the two go hand in hand.

Oddly, the boy didn't protest. No hissy fit. I wondered to myself: Did he understand her logic and was able to let go of his feelings? Or did he press down his feelings? Was he able to simply feel what he was feeling and release it in a healthy way? (all of this subconsciously, of course). The mother and son left the store before I had a chance to read the child's face for some sign of what was going on inside him.

I see myself in this little boy, with all of my adult emotions, they feel the same as my childhood emotions:

I want.
I am drawn to this.
I must have it.

Sometimes I go after it, I get it and having it feels so good. Release!
Sometimes I go after it and it runs from me. Disappointment!
Sometimes I go after it and having it doesn't feel right. But I still want it!

That's when I want a Big Mommy to say, "You don't need this. You have enough right now." or "There is something better coming. Wait for it."

But, knowing me, I'd probably throw a hissy.

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